Monday, September 29, 2014

Gimmicks

Jerry the Leech was a gimmicks man. He sold gimmicks to young writers.
"Okay, here's one. A new one. Brand new. The hook, it's rather simple, but it's just enough. A man wakes up. You know the man, ordinary man, boring ole guy. He wakes up and starts looking for his shoes, he just can't find em. He looks in his closet, in his bathroom, on the roof of his car; his shoes are gone. So, he sits on his bed, resigns to a life without shoes. He looks down at his feet and notices his socks are gone too. He swears he remembers putting socks on, but now, pale little toes are digging around in the rug. He goes on the same quest for his socks. In the couch, in the laundry, under his cat. Now there are no shoes and no socks. He sits back down. This is where it turns. He feels that tingly feeling in his feet, the feeling we all get, asleep. He reaches down to rub em, get the blood moving... and his feet are gone. Straight disappeared. He looks back on his day, how he looked around for his shoes, how he searched for his socks. But, how's he gonna look for his feet. Feet don't just walk away. He tries anyway. Crawling around on the floor, his little nubs dragging behind him. He looks under the sink, on top of the fridge, down the hall. No fucking feet. Not one toenail. This goes on throughout the day. His hands go, his knees, his kidney, his pecker... gone gone gone. He just keeps looking. Eventually it's just a head rolling around on the floor. Then that's it. I guess you could throw in a moral, or some sort of epilogue. I wouldn't, but it's your story now."
He worked mostly on the corner. Under a bridge on the weekends. Nice guy, Jerry.
"You don't like that one. Alright. I was saving this one, but i'll give you a peek. It's Friday. All is right in the world when our boy, a... we'll call him Todd. Todd gets ready to go to work. Normal. Normal. Normal. He gets on the street, everyone is cheering for him. Ladies are flashing their tits. I mean, Todd is a celebrity. He doesn't get it. He can't believe it. Then BANG. The clouds open above him. Biblical. Huge grey sparking clouds. And this beam of light comes out of the sky and starts pulling him into the sky. Sucking him up into space. The people on earth are still freaking out, cheering, waving flags, having weird fucked up sex. He can see them all as he rises toward the hole in the clouds. Then, i don't know. He fucking, i don't know. That's all you get for now. Just that would get you published in a heartbeat. First line of that and you're on the New York Times best seller thing, or whatever. It's gold."
Jerry's parents hated him.



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